Hi, This is Martin!! OMG!!!

Although we had a great time today, I could feel it.  It just wasn’t there anymore.  My friend… Thank you for coming into my life.   It’s time for me to move on and leave you.  It’s not that I hate you or anything. It’s just that I want to move on.  Nothing personal.  You can stand on your own now.  I’m glad that I was there for you.

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I’ve finally decided to give you one last present.  Not a kick-ass present or a present so extravagant that I will be kicking myself in the ass for giving it. 

A fitting present to say thank you for a wonderful year.  Ah, but if you only knew how it hurts to say goodbye.  I want to go before I wear out my welcome.  I want to leave while we still can share a laugh together. Merry Christmas. _________________________________________________________________________

'The Journey of the Magi'

'A cold coming we had of it,
Just the worst time of the year
For the journey, and such a long journey:
The ways deep and the weather sharp,
The very dead of winter.'
And the camels galled, sore-footed, refractory,
Lying down in the melting snow.
There were times we regretted
The summer palaces on slopes, the terraces,
And the silken girls bringing sherbet.
Then the camel men cursing and grumbling
And running away, and wanting their liquor and women,
And the night-fires going out, and the lack of shelters,
And the cities hostile and the towns unfriendly
And the villages dirty and charging high prices:
A hard time we had of it.
At the end we preferred to travel all night,
Sleeping in snatches,
With the voices singing in our ears, saying
That this was all folly.

Then at dawn we came down to a temperate valley,
Wet, below the snow line, smelling of vegetation;
With a running stream and a water-mill beating the darkness,
And three trees on the low sky,
And an old white horse galloped away in the meadow.
Then we came to a tavern with vine-leaves over the lintel,
Six hands at an open door dicing for pieces of silver,
And feet kicking the empty wine-skins,
But there was no information, and so we continued
And arrived at evening, not a moment too soon
Finding the place; it was (you may say) satisfactory

All this was a long time ago, I remember,
And I would do it again, but set down
This set down
This: were we led all that way for
Birth or Death? There was a Birth, certainly,
We had evidence and no doubt. I had seen birth and death,
But had thought they were different; this Birth was
Hard and bitter agony for us, like Death, our death,
We returned to our places, these Kingdoms,
But no longer at ease here, in the old dispensation,
With an alien people clutching their gods.
I should be glad of another death.

    -- T. S. Eliot

…because 1 hour later you find out that you were wrong.  What I said about my feelings are real though.

First of all I’m being EMO today.

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The time has come to say goodbye to a friend.  Or maybe not really goodbye. Maybe the word I’m looking for is avoid.  Too much sadness here.  Not enough reciprocation.  Call me selfish, but I need confirmation of our friendship.  A simple smile has sustained me through all these months  but the effort has been wearing me down.  I think it’s kinda my fault too because All I seem to do is GIVE.. but friendship requires that both PARTIES give to each other…  I dunno what’s wrong .. I don’t want monetary or material possessions…I just want attention I guess.  Am I being selfish?  I know I am.. 

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One of the laws of power state that to be happy: One must avoid the unhappy and the unfortunate.  The tarot reading I did said that I must keep away.. I must keep away If I am to be happy.  I personally have seen the signs but I ignored it for so long. I was sustained by little scraps of affection.  Nothing personal here, no personal injury happened to me, the party in question did nothing to offend.  It’s all about ME now. ALL OF THIS IS MY FAULT. ME ME ME!  IM TIRED OF THE WHOLE DAMN THING! IM ENDING IT. 

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It’s gonna be a sad christmas for me.  The dilemma for me now is: Do I give a present or not?  A last present which will cost me a week’s allowance.  A present, painfully picked out.  A present that I know will delight the recpient.

BUT

IT’S ALL ABOUT ME NOW.. I don’t want to endure a week of hardship anymore.  In the past, I would have happily done so and then subsisted on a diet of rice and tuna for four days.  Why should I bother? I’m not going to be swept up by the holiday spirit..  WHY SHOULD I FUCKING BOTHER.  I’m being left out of things.  Nobody cares to ask me or invite me to do stuff.  Go on your own.. have fun.. enjoy yourself.  Let’s not invite Martin… He won’t mind. He’ll just smile and happily stay in his room all alone.  Well, here’s what good old Martin has to say to that: FUCK YOU!!! 

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If anyone should be recieving a christmas present it should be ME.

After all I’ve done I deserve one.

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I just ate again at Dad’s this saturday.  Dad had come to manila because of a conference and he wanted to meet up and buy me a watch so I suggested we meet at Alabang Town center because it’s the nearest "upscale" mall to Dasma.

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I brought Khash along. I had asked Dad if I could bring a friend and surprisingly he agreed. Khash and I went early and we ate a bit at breadtalk before Dad arrived.  When Dad arrived we immediately went to look for a watch.  Dad was his usual impatient self and he wanted to buy the first watch that he saw!  Fortunately I was able to pick up a nice watch despite this.

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This is the watch I got. It’s a real nice watch from Guess. It’s my first "man’s" watch. I used to have a swatch kiddie watch. It’s pretty heavy though but I guess that’s because I’m not used to wearing these kinds of watches.

The weight is nice and comforting but it sort of pins down my left hand

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I wanted to eat at Friday’s but Dad saw Dad’s and he wanted to eat there. At first I didn’t quite like the idea but when I saw the food I changed my mind. There was quite a large spread. Khash and I especially liked the roast beef and the ham. Amazingly, Dad was quite decent and didn’t want us to leave after eating a plate like he did the last time he and I were at Cabalen’s eat all you can.  We ordered some drinks and the drinks came with three toys.  Dad took home the santaclaus figure, I chose the snowman and Khash got the teddy.  Dad also brought me the bamboo design pillowcase from home! That was a nice surprise for me.

I want to go back to Dad’s and really eat!

Yesterday Khash and a couple of our friends got together to play DND.  We were playing his campaign set in a middle eastern country.

Left to right:

Left: David, Playing as a paladin

Top: Me, playing as a female rogue/thief

Lying Down: Khash, our Dungeon Master

Rightmost: Emil, playing as a halfling filthmaster

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It was a pretty fun game.  It was Khash’s second attempt at Dungeon Mastering. I wasn’t very interested in roleplaying my character for the first few minutes but Khash was very encouraging and I began to enjoy myself.   My character is a female rogue whose favourite hobby is sleeping around with rich guys and then stealing their money or killing them.  My weapon of choice is a tiny blowgun that shoots out paralyzing darts.  I would "dart" a person then if he became paralyzed I would deliver a killing blow. 

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Emil was pretty hilarious/annoying in the game.  He would do all sorts of crazy things with his little filth master which had Me, David and Khash laughing or depending on the crazy thing he wanted to do, he had us groaning in disgust.

Sometimes Emil would pick my pockets while I was asleep! Grrr..  Sometimes he wanted to do some crazy shit.. That’s when Khash would take him aside and go over his character sheet with him and gently explain that he couldn’t do THAT.   

So on went the game.  We drove Khash crazy because We would do all sort of things not related to his story! Khash had written out a story/plot to follow and after four hours of playing we had barely gotten past the first two sentences!   

Peace out, you all.  This is me and the guys with our dice…  We can’t wait for the next game.  This saturday, Dad’s arriving so I expect a lot of fun stuff to happen…. Take care everyone!

I went to ATC this afternoon with Emil to try and get my mind off things.   I wore the shirt that Khash brought for me.  I think I looked pretty good in it but I really should have worn a shirt underneath.

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Emil bought three Gameboy Ds games.  I had advised him to buy his games at Datablitz.  Datablitz sells original titles at reasonable prices and they don’t sell overpriced shit like they do at astrovision.I didn’t know Emil had never been to ATC so it was nice because it was his first time.  I was feeling very sarcastic because some "stuff" happened to me the day before.  But I wasn’t snapping/yelling at him or anything.  I think he had a good time.

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We then went to bread talk and I had another of their delicious "Floss" covered rolls. It is heaven to bite into one of these. The texture when you chew it is very interesting.

I had 2 chicken floss rolls and a curry naan bread.  Emil had two sweet rolls and a hotdog bun.  I don’t like sweets. 

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After that we went around a bit and we wanted to go to Dad’s for their 95 peso merienda buffet but there was a lot of people so we hung out a bit at powerbooks and had our picture taken at the christmas tree there.

This is Emil and me at ATC’s Christmas tree.  A nice man took our picture.

Anyway on our way home, Emil and I saw a stall selling Land hermit crabs as pets.  It looked pretty interesting. I wanted a hermit crab as a pet but I decided to do some research on the internet first.  I THINK I had read something about the land hermit crabs growing to the size of little puppies and ripping apart coconuts with their claws.  It didn’t help a bit that the stall cheerfully assured onlookers that the crabs would eat anything.  I don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night with a crab eating my face.

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That’s all for now.  I’m still feeling a bit betrayed by a person that I loved.. No, actually still feeling VERY betrayed. and HURT.

09208600220

I’m back in dasma now.  A lot of stuff has happened, I’m glad that a lot of good stuff seems to be happening.  First of all my Friend Khash doesn’t have to quit medschool! Yay!! He’s back here in Dasma and he brought me a nigerian outifit. Tita Reggie went to the U.S.A and she got me a 2 gigabyte flashdisk and some chocolate. I was able to succesfully smuggle my mom’s DVD player in my luggage back to Dasma and finally another good thing that happened is that I got Guildwars nightfall and I cooked EXCELLENT hamburgers.. Yes, even better than my Dad’s burgers but I totally forgot to take pictures! Grrr!

This is me and my classmates! II dont need no stinking glasses!!

This is Khash and Yummy.  I really like this photo. It’s such a pity that I’m the one taking it and not IN it!

Anyway more stuff that’s happened. Recently went again to sportsfest for the second day in a row to take pictures for meddyaryo.  It was pretty fun. I watched the girls play basketball and I watched a game of futsbal or whatever it was called.  Khash was the goal keeper but he was no match for Tam, our scorer. 

At first it was pretty boring because nobody was able to score for the longest time but then tam scored a goal then a few minutes later scored another. Everybody screamed,cheered and had a good time in general. 

On a parting shot: there’s this person who’s being a thorn in my side.  The person is an annoyance but not really a threat.   More like little pinpricks than a big stabbing thorn.  I don’t mind him and hopefully I wont have to "confront" him.

I’m back in Dasma and I’m sick.. I caught the flu… Arrrgh.. Horrible time. Anyway lets talk about sushi.   Bacolod has a scattering of sushi places.  The oldest japanese restaurant is Inaka, owned by my friend Aljay De La Paz.  The other newer restaurants like Shiawase are pretty recent but they’re not as good as Inaka.  Enjoying japanese food in Bacolod however has a serious drawback:  It’s EXPENSIVE and not likely to fill you up.  I doubt you will enjoy forking over 150 pesos for a plate of 4 pieces of maguro sushi no matter how tasty the sushi is. 

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I discovered a cheap Japanese resto at Robinson’s mall.  Yes, in Robinson’s.  Ergo, it is not as fancy as Inaka or Shiawase.  It’s called Cattle Farm.  Half of the store is dedicated to steaks and the other half to japanese food.  The sushi dishes are still expensive though.  What you should really try is their SUMO MEALS especially sumo meal #1.  For the price of 2 plates of sushi (290) you get a LOT of Japanese food.

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This is sushi meal 1.  You get Iced tea, Miso Soup, Tempura, a plate of mixed sushi, and a plate of beef teriyaki.  It is HUGE.  It is a meal designed for two people BUT if you’re feeling especially hungry (or greedy) you can eat it all by yourself. 

Well that’s all for now. I gotta go rest. I’ve got a nasty cold.